[0.0s] previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[30.2s] I thought he was like human-sized.
[32.2s] I thought it was just like a big person.
[35.2s] Like little Dalek or whatever they are.
[37.2s] I just feel like it's maybe meant to be.
[39.2s] Well, you could just say, sounds cool, let's do it.
[41.2s] It doesn't always have to be like a Destiny thing.
[44.2s] Well, it's my De-
[45.2s] Yeah, okay, I see.
[47.2s] It's Destiny to go over Roblox's ass.
[51.2s] You're looking down through this portal at the Earth from space.
[55.2s] Hold on, I'm not shook.
[57.2s] I think, I don't even know these are portals.
[59.4s] They could just be pretty pictures.
[61.4s] Hey, then you're not shook.
[62.4s] I'm not shooketh.
[63.4s] Can't shakeeth me.
[64.4s] Hey, Moot, you're shooketh.
[66.4s] I'm shook.
[67.4s] Alright.
[68.4s] Sky has got Moot shook.
[69.4s] With its...
[70.4s] Ugh, lost it already.
[74.4s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[77.4s] Flashback, flashback, flashback.
[80.4s] I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
[81.4s] He, him, also with me today is Tom Laird.
[84.4s] Hey, that's me, he, him.
[85.4s] I am playing Moot.
[86.4s] He also goes by he, him.
[88.6s] And, Damey More.
[90.6s] Oh, it sounded like Damey More, and I would now like to be called Dame Amy More.
[94.6s] Dame Amy More.
[96.6s] Yes, and I play she, her, and I play Sullivan Sleight.
[99.6s] He, him.
[100.6s] And, Carla Maxx did.
[102.6s] She, her, playing Glim, also she, her.
[105.6s] Welcome to part two of our one-shot.
[107.6s] We know how to play games.
[109.6s] That's the true Dungeons way.
[112.6s] What you didn't think was important, we thought was entirely, like, essential.
[117.8s] We hope you enjoyed it.
[118.8s] Well, I mean, you're still here, so you must have enjoyed the first part.
[121.8s] And so we'll keep it, we'll keep it rolling here.
[123.8s] They're here going, like, I wonder when they're gonna start playing.
[127.8s] When are they gonna get to the fireworks factory?
[129.8s] They figured it out in the first ten minutes.
[131.8s] Where's the rave?
[134.8s] There better be a fucking rave in here.
[136.8s] But because this is a flashback, and because it's a regular episode,
[139.8s] and because you've joined us on Patreon, maybe?
[141.8s] Patreon.com slash dumpdragoncast.
[143.8s] We'd love for you to come join us over there.
[146.0s] When you are a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you, like today's patron,
[150.0s] Jordan Kempf.
[152.0s] Thanks, Jordan.
[154.0s] I really thought there was gonna be more to your last name.
[156.0s] Also, I'm sorry about the way Russ said that.
[158.0s] It seemed like...
[160.0s] Yeah, I wasn't laughing at your name, I was laughing at Russ' way he said it.
[164.0s] No, I'm not saying you mispronounced it.
[166.0s] I'm just saying you...
[168.0s] And, like, you were gonna try to add more to it.
[170.2s] Yeah, well, I was just drawing out the obviously most important letter for emphasis.
[177.2s] Yes.
[179.2s] You are awesome. Thank you so much for being a patron.
[181.2s] Yes, Jordan, you are great.
[183.2s] Join us today at Patreon.com slash dumpdragoncast.
[185.2s] Now fuck it, let's play!
[187.2s] Existential crisis!
[189.2s] Existential crisis! Space! Space!
[191.2s] Butt monsters!
[193.2s] What?
[195.2s] No, while you went up the butt of a machine monster.
[197.2s] We are in turn the butt monsters of this story.
[199.4s] Absolutely the butt monsters.
[201.4s] If that confused you because it wasn't an accurate retelling of what happened, go back and listen to the episode.
[205.4s] Or if you didn't listen to part one, yeah.
[207.4s] Then it really doesn't make sense.
[209.4s] But we are the butt monsters.
[211.4s] Thank you very much.
[213.4s] This is all canonical, too.
[215.4s] Credit where credit is due.
[217.4s] They were named the Destiny's Children or Destiny's Children, now the butt monsters.
[221.4s] I like it.
[223.4s] Saviors of the world!
[225.4s] So we're on the fourth floor now.
[227.6s] We're on fourth floor, ding!
[229.6s] Fourth floor, space and unfinished projects.
[233.6s] Can I touch stuff?
[235.6s] I just want to, is there any, let me see.
[237.6s] Don't you want to just take?
[239.6s] I mean I don't see any signs that say don't touch.
[241.6s] I kind of just want to put something in a...
[243.6s] I'm just going to watch through this door here.
[245.6s] You want to take stuff?
[247.6s] No, I want to put something through the, through, I want to...
[250.6s] You still almost said it's a butt!
[252.6s] I, no...
[254.8s] Portal is just an anus to another place.
[258.8s] Oh, I mean, okay, well then I guess
[260.8s] I want to put something
[262.8s] through the anus to another place.
[264.8s] Okay.
[266.8s] Let's do it. What are we putting through the anus to another place?
[270.8s] Get it together, Hillip.
[272.8s] This is for science.
[274.8s] Okay, hold on. Remember, like, just moments ago
[276.8s] we were like, we should probably just blow right past this
[278.8s] because we're at the very beginning of what is this.
[280.8s] Nope, can't.
[283.0s] No!
[285.0s] Because those were the coherent thoughts of people
[287.0s] in Dumbgeons Downtime.
[289.0s] That's right.
[291.0s] Now we're playing the game.
[293.0s] Now we're playing and it's time to make weird decisions.
[295.0s] Welcome to our TED Talk on how to turn a one-shot
[297.0s] into four episodes.
[299.0s] Sully hands glim a wrench.
[303.0s] Yeah, this is like really big and I think would have
[305.0s] like a very satisfying heave to it
[307.0s] as you throw it through the hole.
[309.0s] Yeah, go ahead and yeet that on through.
[311.2s] Yeet it through the anus.
[313.2s] So I'm going to
[315.2s] put it not to the one
[317.2s] looking at the planet, but the one that's just looking
[319.2s] at the sky.
[323.2s] Because there's two, right?
[329.2s] Anything you put through this portal magnifies
[331.2s] by like 100,000.
[333.2s] You actually ended up hurdling
[335.2s] an enormous wrench into
[337.2s] the planet.
[339.4s] What if it was small?
[341.4s] I don't know the physics of
[343.4s] Faerun.
[345.4s] It gains
[347.4s] some sort of speed.
[349.4s] It becomes some sort of
[351.4s] like...
[353.4s] Russ is losing it.
[355.4s] This is the quickest conclusion to a two-part one-shot.
[357.4s] I kill the whole population of the entire
[359.4s] planet.
[361.4s] It's a massive station.
[363.4s] It's a real butterfly effect we got going on here.
[365.4s] Okay, yeah.
[367.6s] It goes through the anus.
[369.6s] Does it feel satisfying?
[371.6s] Does it make a noise?
[379.6s] Guys, that's not the sound
[381.6s] I expected.
[383.6s] When Merv
[385.6s] was pulled through the portal
[387.6s] and sucked through it, it didn't make that noise.
[389.6s] Oh, that was
[391.6s] delayed.
[393.6s] That was wet.
[395.8s] It felt good throwing the wrench,
[397.8s] but everything else that happened
[399.8s] I didn't like at all.
[401.8s] I'm not going to do it then.
[403.8s] I'll pass. I saw you do it.
[405.8s] It's fine.
[407.8s] How many more things can we throw?
[409.8s] I think we should just maybe go.
[415.8s] I hate it.
[417.8s] My mesophonia is affected
[419.8s] only by portal sounds.
[421.8s] Wet portal sounds.
[424.0s] Who knew?
[426.0s] There's a ladder and maybe some kind of...
[428.0s] Don't throw the ladder!
[430.0s] I'm not going to just throw the ladder.
[432.0s] It looks like the ladder goes up and down
[434.0s] and then there's this little box beside it
[436.0s] and it has this open door and it's got a button inside.
[438.0s] Guys, I want to press the button.
[440.0s] It's got an up arrow and a down arrow.
[444.0s] I'm going to press it.
[446.0s] I want to...
[448.0s] Fuck this guy.
[450.0s] I see Hilla already
[452.2s] Pressing the button.
[454.2s] Are you going in?
[456.2s] No, we're watching you.
[458.2s] You press the up arrow.
[460.2s] You see the light kind of go through?
[462.2s] See, I thought this was a ladder.
[464.2s] This is a...
[466.2s] There's a ladder beside it, I think?
[468.2s] Oh.
[470.2s] I'll take the fucking ladder.
[472.2s] God damn Hilla taking the
[474.2s] stupid upside down machine.
[476.2s] God damn it.
[478.2s] Hey guys! It's pretty cool up here.
[480.4s] Some cloud tubes?
[482.4s] Uh...
[484.4s] Looks like some buttons.
[486.4s] I know we didn't talk about it, but I assumed
[488.4s] we'd all just kind of be quiet.
[490.4s] Yeah, he's screaming an awful lot.
[492.4s] There's nobody up here!
[494.4s] I figured I was okay.
[496.4s] I mean, it's even worse if his yelling is that loud
[498.4s] and his hearing is that sensitive
[500.4s] that he can hear this conversation we're having.
[502.4s] A floor below him.
[504.4s] He must deafen himself on the daily.
[506.4s] I mean, that explains all the yelling.
[509.2s] Is it like one of those whisper chambers
[511.2s] where like you can hear from across the room?
[513.2s] Right.
[515.2s] I'm gonna press some buttons if you don't get up here soon!
[517.2s] We're climbing up the ladder,
[519.2s] Hilla, shh.
[523.2s] You enter into a new chamber,
[525.2s] slightly smaller.
[527.2s] I come over and I slap Hilla.
[529.2s] Why?
[531.2s] Stop pressing buttons.
[533.2s] I didn't press them yet, I said I was about to start.
[535.2s] No, you press the one down there.
[538.0s] When you say I wanted to press it and you press it first,
[540.0s] I will slap you again.
[542.0s] Listen to the playback, I'm pretty sure I said it first.
[544.0s] He slaps Hilla again.
[546.0s] Stop it. You go sit over there.
[548.0s] Don't touch anything.
[550.0s] This room is a little bit smaller than the last
[552.0s] and in this chamber
[554.0s] are glass tubes
[556.0s] that extend from the floor to the ceiling.
[558.0s] Each has a glass door on it
[560.0s] and inside is this sickly green
[562.0s] swirling cloud in the chamber.
[564.0s] Do they seem like,
[566.8s] floor to ceiling?
[568.8s] Do they seem to be going through the ceiling
[570.8s] or stopping at the ceiling?
[572.8s] Presumably at the ceiling from what you can tell.
[574.8s] Have they been making any sound?
[578.8s] Are there any plaques that we could read?
[580.8s] Ooh, yes.
[582.8s] No informative plaques.
[584.8s] This is a terrible museum.
[586.8s] Not on this floor that you can find.
[592.8s] Okay, so I got two series.
[595.6s] Okay, there.
[597.6s] One, this is the cure
[599.6s] for this pink stuff.
[601.6s] Number two,
[603.6s] it's poisonous.
[605.6s] We might all die.
[607.6s] Yeah, it seems...
[609.6s] Yeah, green is usually
[611.6s] bad.
[613.6s] I don't know. Green means go.
[615.6s] That's true.
[617.6s] But green when it's like medicine
[619.6s] is like, ooh, don't take that medicine.
[621.6s] But trees and grass,
[624.4s] those things are green and they're like the best.
[626.4s] But infections, right?
[628.4s] Remember that paper cut you got,
[630.4s] and it was all posse and green and gross?
[632.4s] Oh, yeah, sure, yeah.
[634.4s] Maybe we just see
[636.4s] what's on the next floor?
[638.4s] Maybe let's just keep going.
[640.4s] I sprint into the elevator.
[642.4s] You take the ladder, you son of a bitch,
[644.4s] and I press the button,
[646.4s] and I do leave Moot and Glenn behind.
[648.4s] I'm so sorry.
[651.2s] So, should we
[653.2s] go down and check out the down?
[655.2s] No, and I go up.
[657.2s] Oh, okay, yeah.
[659.2s] Cool, cool, cool, cool.
[661.2s] It's fine.
[663.2s] Sully, you were the first.
[665.2s] These doors part and
[667.2s] you are now on the floor
[669.2s] that had the lights that were
[671.2s] visible from outside.
[673.2s] Inside, you see
[675.2s] slow moving
[677.2s] energy blasts.
[679.2s] Fire, some ice,
[681.2s] some weird
[683.2s] purple-y color, and
[685.2s] on either side of this chamber
[687.2s] are two people
[689.2s] who seem to be
[691.2s] just slow
[693.2s] motion. I don't know what the frames
[695.2s] per second is, but it's that
[697.2s] kind of slow, and their spells
[699.2s] that they appear to be casting out of
[701.2s] their wands appear to be
[703.2s] leaving them at an
[705.2s] equally slow pace.
[707.2s] If you were to roll
[709.2s] an investigation or perception check,
[711.2s] as Moot and Glenn
[713.2s] are the first ones up the ladders,
[717.2s] you now see this as well.
[719.2s] Yeah, you're all in about
[721.2s] the same ballpark.
[723.2s] You perceive,
[725.2s] after watching a little while,
[727.2s] and your trigonometry skills,
[729.2s] as good as they are, that these
[731.2s] spells are traveling
[733.2s] at approximately a foot
[735.2s] every twelve hours.
[737.2s] So there are
[739.2s] numerous spells
[741.2s] that have been cast that are just
[743.2s] moving through the
[745.2s] chamber towards the opposite person
[747.2s] on the other side, and the
[749.2s] wizards seem to be locked in this weird
[751.2s] time
[753.2s] fuckery.
[755.2s] But you, yourselves, appear
[757.2s] to be moving at the regular speed, because that
[759.2s] would just make this a long adventure.
[761.2s] And we wouldn't want that.
[763.2s] No, time fuckery.
[765.2s] Russ is the biggest boner right now.
[767.2s] Do we recognize
[769.2s] either of these wizards?
[771.2s] Good question.
[773.2s] Make a history check.
[775.2s] Wow, this dice
[777.2s] has rolled nothing but shit for me.
[779.2s] Four.
[781.2s] Four do it.
[783.2s] Fourteen. Let's go fourteen.
[785.2s] Glenn, you did your research before you
[787.2s] left, which is not unusual,
[789.2s] but perhaps Moot would have
[791.2s] normally done it in another life.
[793.2s] One of them,
[795.2s] the one to your
[797.2s] left, we'll say, looks like
[799.2s] the Magi Bonvai,
[801.2s] the one and only, the one
[803.2s] who
[805.2s] is perhaps the
[807.2s] known magician
[809.2s] wizard of the area.
[811.2s] At least the one that has that robot.
[813.2s] Or no, the robot.
[815.2s] The town's named after him, right?
[817.2s] And the robot birds.
[819.2s] Yep, the one
[821.2s] and only. And the other one on the other side?
[825.2s] Not familiar.
[827.2s] What do they look like?
[829.2s] What's their general vibe?
[831.2s] Where did they come from?
[833.2s] Where did they go?
[835.2s] Where did they come from?
[837.2s] Looks
[839.2s] to be...
[841.2s] I'm so mad you got that song in my head, Tom.
[845.2s] That is
[847.2s] 100% about a sexually
[849.2s] transmitted infection, yes.
[851.2s] I mean, sure.
[853.2s] The song behaves like one.
[855.2s] Yes, exactly.
[857.2s] Alright,
[859.2s] general vibe of the one you don't
[861.2s] recognize. Looks to be
[863.2s] human or humanoid.
[865.2s] More human
[867.2s] than anything else.
[869.2s] Dressed in
[871.2s] rather unusual
[873.2s] attire, more
[875.2s] like clean cut, very
[877.2s] greys, very shiny
[879.2s] fabrics.
[881.2s] Seems out of place for the
[883.2s] world that you are in and
[885.2s] things that you have seen.
[887.2s] Well, this looks like not like a
[889.2s] really time sensitive
[891.2s] problem. That's a great
[893.2s] point. Should we keep going up
[895.2s] to see if there's something else that is like
[897.2s] more like pink,
[899.2s] like if there's like a big
[901.2s] plug we could pull and all the
[903.2s] pink goo would drain or something?
[905.2s] That would be good. You guys want to get in the elevator
[907.2s] this time? These guys look like,
[909.2s] you know, like they'll be
[911.2s] here for a minute. For a
[913.2s] minute, yeah. Yeah, I want
[915.2s] to ride in it. Sure.
[917.2s] Oh, it's nice. You don't have to do anything.
[919.2s] Oh,
[921.2s] well, I'll try it. You could do
[923.2s] squats while you're in it. Oh, you're
[925.2s] right.
[927.2s] Phillip,
[929.2s] you want to come along?
[931.2s] Um, hmm.
[933.2s] I don't want to leave you in here with these
[935.2s] guys. I don't know what you're going to do.
[937.2s] You see him, he's holding
[939.2s] this large, like,
[941.2s] gray, like, plate
[943.2s] almost.
[945.2s] He was walking over to the spells
[947.2s] being like, I could maybe like redirect
[949.2s] the spells. You don't know what
[951.2s] the spells are. But if you like
[953.2s] angle them and push them.
[955.2s] And then say like, let's
[957.2s] say you wait there for like, what, 12
[959.2s] hours.
[961.2s] Presumably, yes. And then it just
[963.2s] blasts through it.
[965.2s] Yes.
[967.2s] Or you reposition it and
[969.2s] it points like out into the world.
[971.2s] And hits a baby.
[973.2s] Oh, I don't want to hit a baby.
[975.2s] No, sorry, I will reposition
[977.2s] the one spell that I already
[979.2s] moved when you were talking about others.
[981.2s] That baby's petting a puppy. How could you even?
[983.2s] Well,
[985.2s] unacceptable. Sorry,
[987.2s] guys. Listen, if you're going to be part
[989.2s] of the group, we talk things out.
[991.2s] Well, okay, let's talk it through.
[993.2s] What if we- We like to make a really good
[995.2s] plan and then follow through on it.
[997.2s] Especially when we have 12 hours. That's our main thing.
[999.2s] That is one thing that I wrote down
[1001.2s] from the three of you is that you always make
[1003.2s] plans and you always know
[1005.2s] exactly what to do when you are going
[1007.2s] into a situation not uncertain
[1009.2s] in any way, shape, or form.
[1011.2s] You are correct in all of
[1013.2s] those statements. I'm in the elevator.
[1015.2s] Let's go check it. What, we got two more floors
[1017.2s] to look at?
[1019.2s] I think it's just one above us.
[1021.2s] Just a one? Okay.
[1023.2s] Okay.
[1025.2s] It's weird you're making those sound effects.
[1027.2s] Oh, you've added music.
[1029.2s] Well, it seems like a very quiet
[1031.2s] dead space without some music.
[1033.2s] Isn't it weird we're all just choosing
[1035.2s] to just stare at the back of this door
[1037.2s] and not make eye contact with each other?
[1039.2s] I'm doing squats.
[1042.2s] What?
[1044.2s] It's not okay.
[1046.2s] That was a small space.
[1048.2s] Sorry, everybody. Sorry.
[1050.2s] I was squatting when you did that.
[1052.2s] Well, it was Glim. She was squatting
[1054.2s] and one snuck out of her keys.
[1056.2s] Did you just blame your fart on Glim?
[1058.2s] I didn't blame my fart on Glim.
[1060.2s] I blamed Glim's fart on Glim.
[1062.2s] Wow.
[1068.2s] Luke doesn't say anything in five
[1070.2s] minutes. Wow.
[1072.2s] Wow.
[1074.2s] We thought more highly of you than
[1076.2s] that, Hilla.
[1092.2s] The doors part open.
[1094.2s] The gas releases.
[1097.2s] That's what was in those green
[1099.2s] cylinders.
[1101.2s] You enter into yet a slightly smaller
[1103.2s] room, this one approximately
[1105.2s] 30 feet across.
[1107.2s] It looks like it could be described
[1109.2s] as a library. There's many shelves.
[1111.2s] There's books all over. In the center of
[1113.2s] this chamber,
[1115.2s] there is a pedestal with a
[1117.2s] green glowing
[1119.2s] stone.
[1121.2s] Sully looks at
[1123.2s] Hilla and goes, don't.
[1125.2s] I will put my hands in my pockets.
[1127.2s] Goodness. Somebody watch
[1129.2s] him. Won't touch it.
[1131.2s] Is there a
[1133.2s] plaque?
[1135.2s] Yeah, there's a plaque right
[1137.2s] here. Is there maybe like a
[1139.2s] tourist information kiosk?
[1141.2s] Sure. I can grab some literature.
[1143.2s] Is there someone just standing ready to take me on a
[1145.2s] tour of this place? My name is
[1147.2s] Hilla. I will read you the plaque that is below
[1149.2s] this big stone. With your
[1151.2s] hands in your pockets. With my hands in
[1153.2s] my pockets. I will gesture with my
[1155.2s] elbows. I was going to say
[1157.2s] one hand.
[1159.2s] One hand in my pocket
[1161.2s] and the other one on the cosmic
[1163.2s] stone. No, I won't put it on the
[1165.2s] cosmic stone.
[1167.2s] I got swept away. This is the cosmic
[1169.2s] stone. You should have yeeted him through that portal.
[1173.2s] If you touch it, you become aware
[1175.2s] of
[1177.2s] the cosmos.
[1179.2s] Now, how many
[1181.2s] dots were written
[1183.2s] down in that?
[1185.2s] So that was that much of a pause.
[1187.2s] Is there a couple? It was
[1189.2s] like an ellipsis followed by an ellipsis
[1191.2s] followed by an ellipsis.
[1193.2s] Okay. That's three ellipses.
[1195.2s] So I felt appropriate to say
[1197.2s] the Oz.
[1199.2s] Can you read it one more time? The
[1201.2s] cosmic stone.
[1203.2s] If you touch
[1205.2s] it,
[1207.2s] if you touch it, you will
[1209.2s] be aware of
[1211.2s] the cosmos.
[1213.2s] It seems kind of vague. Now, did you say
[1215.2s] beware or be aware
[1217.2s] of? Be
[1219.2s] aware.
[1221.2s] A-W-A-R-E.
[1223.2s] Be aware. Beware.
[1225.2s] I think it's important to be aware
[1227.2s] of stuff. Be aware of the
[1229.2s] cosmos. Yeah, seems like we should touch it.
[1231.2s] Now, hold on a second.
[1233.2s] What is the cosmos?
[1235.2s] Because I once,
[1237.2s] I don't know if it's the same thing, but I
[1239.2s] once had a cosmos.
[1241.2s] Yeah? And
[1243.2s] then I woke up
[1245.2s] in the, you
[1247.2s] know, in the parking lot of a church.
[1249.2s] So maybe you already have awareness
[1251.2s] of the cosmos? Maybe.
[1253.2s] I don't know. Or you don't really
[1255.2s] remember. Well, I mean, I don't really
[1257.2s] remember, so I guess I'm not that aware, but
[1259.2s] I'm not sure it's the same thing.
[1261.2s] As I've read the plaque, I don't know any
[1263.2s] other information. I don't know. My
[1265.2s] next step is to just kind of like let
[1267.2s] Hillop do what he wants
[1269.2s] to do.
[1271.2s] Bold choice, but let's see where this
[1273.2s] goes. Hillop, you want to touch your stone?
[1275.2s] Well, of course I want to touch your stone,
[1277.2s] but you told me to put my hands in my pockets. Well, I mean
[1279.2s] I did, but now I'm saying you could take your
[1281.2s] hands out of your pockets. You did an excellent
[1283.2s] job of reading the plaque. You
[1285.2s] should give yourself a round of applause.
[1287.2s] Okay.
[1289.2s] Okay, now nobody
[1291.2s] is going to supervise you.
[1293.2s] Nobody is going to supervise me. Nobody is going to supervise you.
[1295.2s] We're just going to
[1297.2s] fade into the background here and
[1299.2s] look at the rest of this room.
[1301.2s] Look at some of these books.
[1303.2s] You said library, so I'm assuming
[1305.2s] just walls covered in books.
[1307.2s] Standard library. Is there one of those
[1309.2s] really big ladders like you wanted to
[1311.2s] have in our kitchen so I could reach stuff?
[1313.2s] Yeah, absolutely.
[1315.2s] Like that rolls around.
[1317.2s] Amazing.
[1319.2s] So the camera doesn't leave Hillop, but you
[1321.2s] through dispersed through the library, looking
[1323.2s] at books, checking out names, seeing things.
[1325.2s] Riding on that ladder. Portals.
[1327.2s] Really just anuses to another
[1329.2s] place.
[1331.2s] That old chestnut. Very popular
[1333.2s] book. Different journals and spell
[1335.2s] books and that sort of thing.
[1337.2s] But the camera still hasn't left Hillop and he
[1339.2s] is looking side to side
[1341.2s] trying to figure out if anybody is actually
[1343.2s] going to let him do
[1345.2s] what he wants. And you see his hand slowly
[1347.2s] raised towards the cosmic
[1349.2s] stone that he described off the plaque
[1351.2s] and it makes contact with
[1353.2s] the cosmic stone and his eyes
[1355.2s] roll back in his head.
[1357.2s] And if anybody is watching, which you're
[1359.2s] probably all actually watching him.
[1361.2s] I was like perusing a shelf,
[1363.2s] but paying very close attention
[1365.2s] to what was going on. I have a book
[1367.2s] open that is called portal
[1369.2s] the extra hole you didn't know
[1371.2s] you needed.
[1373.2s] It's upside down.
[1375.2s] Eyes roll back in his head and he begins
[1377.2s] like vibrating.
[1379.2s] And he seems to be stuck in place there.
[1381.2s] Should we take him off that stone?
[1383.2s] Hillop?
[1385.2s] How you doing bud?
[1387.2s] And speaking in this weird,
[1389.2s] it sounds like gibberish. It's mumbling.
[1391.2s] Can you give us an example
[1393.2s] of what that was like?
[1399.2s] It seems fine to me.
[1401.2s] I know, it's normal.
[1403.2s] Okay,
[1405.2s] he should pull him off.
[1409.2s] Is that the internal alarm that happened?
[1411.2s] I'm going to try and pull him away from
[1413.2s] the stone. Yeah, you pull him
[1415.2s] off, he stops immediately as soon
[1417.2s] as his hand's not in contact
[1419.2s] with the cosmic stone. How you doing buddy?
[1421.2s] It seems
[1423.2s] I saw
[1425.2s] I saw
[1427.2s] I saw
[1429.2s] Where are we now?
[1431.2s] We're in the tower in the middle
[1433.2s] of the pink goo. The robots
[1435.2s] out there, there are two
[1437.2s] slow wizards down
[1439.2s] there. Seems like 18
[1441.2s] lives ago.
[1443.2s] I've seen all the corners
[1445.2s] of the world. I've seen
[1447.2s] I know things
[1449.2s] now. Cool.
[1451.2s] Like how to get rid of the pink goo?
[1453.2s] Yeah, we close the door.
[1455.2s] What door?
[1457.2s] There's a door
[1459.2s] at the bottom floor.
[1461.2s] And we close the door.
[1463.2s] Close the door. Okay.
[1465.2s] Okay.
[1467.2s] And what about the wizard,
[1469.2s] slow motion wizard guys? Should we
[1471.2s] like help them or close the door?
[1473.2s] It's a Magi
[1475.2s] Bonvay who runs
[1477.2s] the establishment and then there's the
[1479.2s] inhumanist who is
[1481.2s] his arch nemesis
[1483.2s] so to speak
[1485.2s] for the Magi Bonvay. Did he make the
[1487.2s] goo? He
[1489.2s] contributed to the goo being
[1491.2s] released and then they were locked
[1493.2s] in time
[1495.2s] and then
[1497.2s] trying to
[1499.2s] shoot each other. It's been going on for
[1501.2s] quite some time.
[1503.2s] What if we put that
[1505.2s] inhumanist into a bag?
[1507.2s] You want to put the inhumanist into
[1509.2s] a bag?
[1511.2s] What kind of bag? Well, probably
[1513.2s] like a potato sack or something like that.
[1515.2s] Yeah, like a burlap sack of sorts.
[1517.2s] And put things into a potato sack.
[1519.2s] Okay. And just like put them
[1521.2s] somewhere else? Sure.
[1523.2s] Put them into a potato sack. That seems
[1525.2s] fine.
[1527.2s] Is this Russ or Hilla talking?
[1529.2s] Yeah, put them in a potato sack.
[1531.2s] Yeah, sure. Yeah, totally.
[1533.2s] I mean, you do you, Sully.
[1535.2s] I have the wealth
[1537.2s] of knowledge of the cosmos now.
[1539.2s] Oh, gosh. Are you going to be all high
[1541.2s] and mighty about it? Well,
[1543.2s] I mean, I touched the cosmic stone.
[1545.2s] I am imparted with the information.
[1547.2s] I am probably now... Wait, if I go touch the cosmic
[1549.2s] stone, then you're not the only person.
[1551.2s] Okay, go touch the cosmic stone. Well, no, I don't want
[1553.2s] to. It looked painful what you did.
[1555.2s] It's just like a dump
[1557.2s] of information into your brain
[1559.2s] all at once. I don't want the cosmos
[1561.2s] to take a dump on me. Well,
[1563.2s] it's not on you. It's in your brain.
[1565.2s] I don't want a dump in me. That sounds much worse.
[1567.2s] I think that's worse.
[1569.2s] Should we just go to the bottom floor and close the door and
[1571.2s] deal with the goo situation? Yes, one thing
[1573.2s] at a time. And then the two slo-mos.
[1575.2s] We can figure out
[1577.2s] what we're going to do with those guys.
[1579.2s] We'll deal with them later.
[1581.2s] Okay. Yeah, sure.
[1583.2s] I don't like this, Hillop. How do we
[1585.2s] turn him back?
[1587.2s] I boop him on the nose.
[1589.2s] Boop. Does that
[1591.2s] make you feel better? Does it make you feel
[1593.2s] better? What do you think
[1595.2s] about baguettes? Baguettes are a
[1597.2s] delightful baked good. Would you do
[1599.2s] just about anything for one?
[1601.2s] Well, I mean... What about Zumba?
[1603.2s] You like Zumba? Well, hey, Zumba
[1605.2s] is a money-making opportunity,
[1607.2s] but when you have the world
[1609.2s] of knowledge of the cosmos at your
[1611.2s] hands, do you really need the... Oh,
[1613.2s] gosh. The bees knees of... Glim?
[1615.2s] He was only in it for the money.
[1617.2s] Well...
[1619.2s] He just said it was a money-making opportunity
[1621.2s] and I thought it was a whole spiritual thing.
[1623.2s] You know what? Let's deal with the pink goo.
[1625.2s] I can't
[1627.2s] get them conflicted.
[1629.2s] Everybody's back in the elevator.
[1631.2s] Mm-hmm. Let's go to the
[1633.2s] basement. Find the pink goo
[1635.2s] door.
[1639.2s] So all the cosmic
[1641.2s] knowledge you're still humming
[1643.2s] in the elevator, huh?
[1645.2s] Makes people feel more comfortable.
[1647.2s] It doesn't. No.
[1649.2s] Weirdly. Actually.
[1653.2s] That's what I'm still doing yet.
[1655.2s] I
[1657.2s] should have just taken the ladder.
[1659.2s] You know I don't like just...
[1661.2s] You could have slid down that thing like a badass.
[1663.2s] You know how you do your hands and your feet on either side
[1665.2s] and you just go, whoa, all the way down.
[1667.2s] Have you guys seen this new vacation form from HR?
[1669.2s] Like, when are we even supposed to fill out?
[1671.2s] Yeah, sure, but you know what just occurred
[1673.2s] to me is that I now know
[1675.2s] what earn your keep
[1677.2s] means, because you know like when you
[1679.2s] get a keep inside of a city,
[1681.2s] when you're like... Right?
[1683.2s] You earn your keep.
[1685.2s] You guys. Oh.
[1687.2s] Right?
[1689.2s] It never cuts me, where it's like,
[1691.2s] earn your keep, earn your keep, and then she like gave us
[1693.2s] a keep, right? And she's like, this is where
[1695.2s] you guys live now.
[1697.2s] But then also do this shit for me, right?
[1699.2s] Huh. I guess I always
[1701.2s] thought it was like earn the keeping
[1703.2s] of you, like the tending and caring
[1705.2s] of you, like you have to earn
[1707.2s] basic, you know, like...
[1709.2s] How back-ass-wards is that though,
[1711.2s] right? Like, I mean, someone should just take care
[1713.2s] of you. We are peoples.
[1715.2s] Yeah, everyone should just
[1717.2s] you know, be taken care of
[1719.2s] to a basic level.
[1731.2s] Sitting on a river
[1733.2s] boat in the middle
[1735.2s] Saying something problematic
[1737.2s] Oh no.
[1739.2s] The people are waiting
[1741.2s] to hang because
[1743.2s] I started playing David
[1745.2s] Wilcox
[1747.2s] Did you hang out with us
[1749.2s] No, stop. No one likes this either, Russ.
[1751.2s] Anytime, anytime.
[1753.2s] I'm sorry that I...
[1755.2s] I'm sorry that I egged...
[1757.2s] I egged that on, you guys.
[1759.2s] I apologize. You should be.
[1761.2s] I'm 100% responsible for that.
[1763.2s] So a little hit to our good
[1765.2s] Canadian content of David
[1767.2s] Wilcox, which will be showing up in a Spotify playlist
[1769.2s] somewhere of the best Canadian
[1771.2s] song used. Good stuff.
[1773.2s] Look, okay?
[1775.2s] Everyone has opinions and that's awesome.
[1777.2s] It may not be good,
[1779.2s] but you know what is good?
[1781.2s] What?
[1783.2s] Our Facing Fate podcast.
[1785.2s] Oh yeah, that's good.
[1787.2s] That's a lot better than David Wilcox.
[1789.2s] 100%. You're going to enjoy it
[1791.2s] so much more than if you listen to David Wilcox.
[1793.2s] That's right. If you hated what just happened,
[1795.2s] you're going to love the podcast.
[1797.2s] Let me tell you.
[1799.2s] This is great.
[1801.2s] Yeah, we have a new season of Facing Fate.
[1803.2s] It is Facing Fate, Cthulhu
[1805.2s] Season 2.
[1807.2s] Electric Boogaloo
[1809.2s] is the subtitle.
[1811.2s] Which is wildly inappropriate once you
[1813.2s] start listening to it.
[1815.2s] It doesn't quite fit.
[1817.2s] We're still grasping the concept of theme.
[1819.2s] We're not good at naming
[1821.2s] things. It's kind of our thing.
[1823.2s] There is going to be a new episode
[1825.2s] every week, all month, because it's
[1827.2s] spooky season and there's
[1829.2s] scary eldritch horrors
[1831.2s] coming for you.
[1833.2s] Maybe.
[1835.2s] Or are we just marking papers?
[1837.2s] That's definitely how
[1839.2s] the first episode starts. So if you haven't
[1841.2s] listened to it, please do.
[1843.2s] Because it gets better than just marking
[1845.2s] papers. It does get better than marking papers.
[1847.2s] The hook, the cliff
[1849.2s] hanger that we leave you on,
[1851.2s] that's how it does it.
[1853.2s] That's the noise you're going to make when you listen to it.
[1855.2s] I love it. Like Carla said,
[1857.2s] every week up until Halloween
[1859.2s] when the dramatic finale
[1861.2s] arrives.
[1863.2s] And then that means we've got to get planning on a new season
[1865.2s] everybody. So let's get down to business.
[1867.2s] Did we mention Kyle Claset's
[1869.2s] in it? From The Bombarded?
[1871.2s] And also this show?
[1873.2s] And also this show?
[1875.2s] He's a long time
[1877.2s] permanent cast member, Kyle Claset.
[1879.2s] He moved in and was just like, well I'm here for the record
[1881.2s] so we're doing it. Can one be a squatter
[1883.2s] in an audio medium?
[1885.2s] Except that I feel like we forced
[1887.2s] him to do it so is that...
[1889.2s] Have we kidnapped Kyle?
[1891.2s] Have we kidnapped Kyle?
[1893.2s] No, I keep paying him.
[1895.2s] It's fine.
[1897.2s] As long as money
[1899.2s] exchanges hands, it's fine.
[1901.2s] Because I thought maybe we had some sort of
[1903.2s] Stockholm syndrome going on where he just
[1905.2s] thinks. I feel like that could
[1907.2s] be a part of it.
[1909.2s] We've derailed a little bit.
[1911.2s] But truly, please listen to
[1913.2s] Facing Fate because it's really good
[1915.2s] and
[1917.2s] we work really hard on it. It's our award winning podcast.
[1919.2s] Russ particularly works
[1921.2s] very hard on it and makes it sound
[1923.2s] incredible and has literally won awards
[1925.2s] and we would really like people to listen to it.
[1927.2s] Please.
[1929.2s] Thank you.
[1931.2s] Now back to this episode where we're
[1933.2s] figuring out Pink Goop.
[1935.2s] I mean
[1937.2s] really that describes a lot of our episodes.
[1939.2s] I mean, be a little more
[1941.2s] specific for us. Show notes every time.
[1943.2s] Goodbye everybody! Bye!
[1945.2s] After
[1947.2s] the long
[1949.2s] proceeding opens
[1951.2s] onto a grand hall
[1953.2s] with a massive archway.
[1955.2s] A brass
[1957.2s] canister and portal
[1959.2s] exudes the pink slime
[1961.2s] that is pouring forth from it.
[1963.2s] There's a lid
[1965.2s] propped up off and to the
[1967.2s] side.
[1969.2s] Hey Mo, you want to just screw that lid back on?
[1971.2s] Sure, I'll give it a shot.
[1973.2s] Maybe use your
[1975.2s] claw hand.
[1977.2s] Yeah, don't, don't, don't
[1979.2s] touch the pink slime. Yeah, we could get some on you.
[1981.2s] Yuck. How good are
[1983.2s] crab claws? Oh, he's
[1985.2s] quite dextrous. I've seen him.
[1987.2s] I've been practicing a lot
[1989.2s] with it. Okay, okay.
[1991.2s] I feel like it'd be pretty good. It's like
[1993.2s] a pincer to close a
[1995.2s] thing. It's almost like a wrench like you threw into
[1997.2s] the portal. Yeah. This is something
[1999.2s] that the cosmic stone did not impart upon
[2001.2s] me, so once we know this,
[2003.2s] if it will work with a crab claw,
[2005.2s] I feel like I know everything.
[2007.2s] Will you then pop out of existence
[2009.2s] because there's no life left
[2011.2s] to live? We will find
[2013.2s] out. Oh god, Mo, do it.
[2017.2s] I'm just breathing in. Do it.
[2021.2s] He's really excited. Alright, yeah, I'll give it
[2023.2s] a try. You know what we haven't been rolling for
[2025.2s] is wild magic searches, so like
[2027.2s] roll four of them. Four?
[2029.2s] Okay. Well, you did, well, hold on,
[2031.2s] you did, you did two produce flames.
[2033.2s] You did two
[2035.2s] mage hands, so four
[2037.2s] of them. Okay. Yeah.
[2039.2s] Oh, I'm so excited. Me too.
[2041.2s] What's gonna fuck up our situation
[2043.2s] right now when we are like five minutes from
[2045.2s] completion? We're so close. Is it gonna be
[2047.2s] thinking about your to-do list?
[2049.2s] One of them was a three.
[2051.2s] So let's, let's fire
[2053.2s] some shit up.
[2055.2s] Alrighty then.
[2057.2s] Okay, now just think baseball. Baseball.
[2059.2s] Your grandma. Because I want to make it
[2061.2s] last.
[2063.2s] Yes?
[2065.2s] I lost my metaphor.
[2073.2s] Ninety. Ninety?
[2075.2s] Ninety.
[2077.2s] Shit.
[2079.2s] Mage hand goes, you see the mage hand
[2081.2s] doing its business,
[2083.2s] and it's working.
[2085.2s] Prefers
[2087.2s] to keep it private usually, but
[2089.2s] it's making exception this time.
[2091.2s] Wow. It's working.
[2093.2s] Moot,
[2095.2s] you're feeling good about it, and you
[2097.2s] see...
[2099.2s] It's working, it's working,
[2101.2s] you're feeling good about it.
[2103.2s] I'm feeling real good.
[2105.2s] Everybody's drawn over to
[2107.2s] Hillup who sees this too, and he
[2109.2s] begins to go, his eyes roll back,
[2111.2s] and he begins to mumble again.
[2113.2s] Jesus,
[2115.2s] what are we watching?
[2119.2s] And then
[2121.2s] everybody else looks back to,
[2123.2s] well not only Hillup, but Moot's gone.
[2125.2s] Oh. Hey,
[2127.2s] what? Okay, hold on.
[2129.2s] He was like just right...
[2131.2s] Moot?
[2133.2s] Moot, I don't...
[2135.2s] Did Hillup somehow vanish him out of existence?
[2137.2s] Cause he gained all the...
[2139.2s] I'm gonna, hold on.
[2141.2s] I'm gonna... And I yell into the portal.
[2143.2s] Moot?
[2145.2s] Buddy, I'll get you back
[2147.2s] just like I got Moof. It's okay.
[2149.2s] You know, I did some
[2151.2s] shady stuff, but
[2153.2s] I'll do shadier for you, man.
[2155.2s] I will, cause we're like brothers.
[2157.2s] And I
[2159.2s] was the one who was like, you wanna just put
[2161.2s] it back on?
[2163.2s] And now, I just,
[2165.2s] you weren't even, you were putting
[2167.2s] that, you were doing it, man. And then like
[2169.2s] Hillup got all weird over here, so I'm pretty sure
[2171.2s] it's 90% his fault, and now I'm just
[2173.2s] talking to a portal.
[2175.2s] So Moot's invisible.
[2177.2s] He can hear you, but you can't
[2179.2s] hear him. So what's Moot
[2181.2s] doing at this moment as Sully is...
[2183.2s] I'm pouring my heart out.
[2185.2s] Moot is trying to keep
[2187.2s] up with like the notes
[2189.2s] as to what Sully is saying to him,
[2191.2s] but the emotion
[2193.2s] is pouring out of him so fast
[2195.2s] that he can't keep up.
[2197.2s] Something you have to just experience and just
[2199.2s] be in the moment for.
[2201.2s] The lid to this canister
[2203.2s] is put back on, and you see
[2205.2s] the pink goo,
[2207.2s] the pink slime
[2209.2s] stop flowing out of it.
[2211.2s] And even begins to
[2213.2s] like soak into the ground
[2215.2s] and begins to slowly disappear.
[2217.2s] There's a lot of it, so that takes
[2219.2s] quite a while.
[2221.2s] After approximately
[2223.2s] a minute, Moot
[2225.2s] pops back in right over Sully as
[2227.2s] he's weeping
[2229.2s] at the loss of his friend.
[2231.2s] And I promise I'll never
[2233.2s] make fun of you.
[2237.2s] Welcome.
[2239.2s] I was so sad.
[2241.2s] I wanna roll like a grapple roll for a hug,
[2243.2s] Russ.
[2245.2s] One aggressive hug.
[2247.2s] Roll plus strength.
[2249.2s] Sully can be a little slippery.
[2251.2s] It's true, yeah, you really gotta.
[2253.2s] That is a 12.
[2255.2s] Hold on, I wanna roll against his hug to see if I get on top.
[2257.2s] Three.
[2259.2s] Minus one.
[2261.2s] The minus one
[2263.2s] is really just the insult, isn't it?
[2265.2s] While that didn't hit his armor class, I don't feel like he's trying
[2267.2s] to evade you, so I think it worked.
[2269.2s] We wrestle into
[2271.2s] the biggest hug.
[2273.2s] That's embarrassing.
[2275.2s] I knew you could hear me
[2277.2s] the whole time.
[2279.2s] It was super sweet regardless.
[2281.2s] I just want you to not feel
[2283.2s] like you were alone or
[2285.2s] disappeared, or that if
[2287.2s] Hillop did that to you,
[2289.2s] I probably would have killed him.
[2291.2s] I think that you would have killed
[2293.2s] Hillop for sure.
[2295.2s] I just need an excuse, man.
[2299.2s] Russ, did Hillop show back up?
[2301.2s] He hasn't disappeared.
[2303.2s] He kind of just passed out on the ground.
[2305.2s] I thought he had also
[2307.2s] disappeared.
[2309.2s] He went back into that trance state that you
[2311.2s] saw when he touched the cosmic.
[2313.2s] It's now just
[2315.2s] body fall on the ground.
[2317.2s] So did
[2319.2s] Moot close the thing?
[2321.2s] Successfully, yes.
[2323.2s] Isn't that kind of weird? Look at it all
[2325.2s] soaking into the ground, but when
[2327.2s] we took that little bit off,
[2329.2s] and it was on the stick, it didn't soak
[2331.2s] into the ground? How odd is that?
[2333.2s] Did we just not wait long enough?
[2335.2s] Or maybe there wasn't enough of it to really
[2337.2s] have the soaking effect?
[2339.2s] The weight of it is likely pushing it
[2341.2s] because of the gravity and
[2343.2s] stuff.
[2345.2s] I used to be a gravitologist.
[2347.2s] We came up
[2349.2s] with this drug called Gravol.
[2351.2s] What did it do?
[2353.2s] It increased
[2355.2s] how heavy you
[2357.2s] were.
[2359.2s] Yeah, it was really just a bunch of
[2361.2s] it was just a big carbohydrate pill.
[2363.2s] You'd really like that. Good for
[2365.2s] carbolodine before
[2367.2s] I would love that before a big
[2369.2s] adventure like. Do we just kind of continue talking as we exit
[2371.2s] this building and leave Hill up there?
[2373.2s] How is this?
[2377.2s] I guess
[2379.2s] what do you want to do next?
[2381.2s] Do you want to go put the guy in the bag?
[2383.2s] Oh, right.
[2385.2s] We're walking towards
[2387.2s] and we just leave them there to fight for eternity.
[2389.2s] It's fine.
[2393.2s] Oh, hey guys.
[2395.2s] What's happening?
[2397.2s] Where are we?
[2399.2s] Oh, God. Hit this again.
[2401.2s] You got this.
[2403.2s] This is a new room center.
[2405.2s] We were in the library and now we're down
[2407.2s] here.
[2409.2s] Now we're down here and
[2411.2s] Moot closed the thing.
[2413.2s] The like pink goo
[2415.2s] Yeah, the goo dispenser.
[2417.2s] There's a goo dispenser?
[2419.2s] You're the one you told us about.
[2421.2s] You're the one that told us.
[2423.2s] I did?
[2425.2s] That sounds really smart of me.
[2427.2s] What about the two battling wizards?
[2429.2s] What about the two?
[2431.2s] Yeah, we saw the two battling
[2433.2s] wizards. I was going
[2435.2s] to deflect. Right. Okay, so
[2437.2s] just one question. If you had
[2439.2s] to put your
[2441.2s] knowledge of the whole universe
[2443.2s] on a scale of
[2445.2s] Pilip to a really, really
[2447.2s] smart person, where would
[2449.2s] you put that?
[2451.2s] Pilip is a really, really smart
[2453.2s] person so that's like a linear
[2455.2s] He's like leaked out to him or something.
[2457.2s] It's like a linear motion.
[2459.2s] The pink goo was
[2461.2s] Okay, it's nice to have
[2463.2s] you back. Yeah, into the elevator.
[2465.2s] Go on. It's good to be back. Alright.
[2467.2s] Back into the elevator. Here we go.
[2471.2s] So when you
[2473.2s] say you're on a shoestring
[2475.2s] budget
[2477.2s] does that mean
[2479.2s] you can only buy shoestrings?
[2481.2s] I don't know
[2483.2s] what else
[2485.2s] that could
[2487.2s] I mean there's those
[2489.2s] really skinny french fries but that can't be
[2491.2s] related.
[2493.2s] Shoestring
[2495.2s] budget
[2497.2s] Which floor are we going to?
[2499.2s] Which floor are we going to, hey?
[2501.2s] Oh, it's up a little bit.
[2503.2s] Back to 6 where
[2505.2s] the wizards were I think.
[2509.2s] So is it
[2511.2s] I mean I really don't even know
[2513.2s] context clues are not helping in this one.
[2515.2s] Maybe you can only buy shoestrings
[2517.2s] or you gotta sell your shoestrings
[2519.2s] because that was like a hot commodity
[2521.2s] so if you're on a shoestring budget
[2523.2s] it's like oh I gotta sell my shoelaces.
[2525.2s] And I mean, are we
[2527.2s] That's why I was just going to say are we assuming
[2529.2s] shoestrings are shoelaces?
[2531.2s] Because shoestrings would be a weird
[2533.2s] way of saying that.
[2535.2s] I can help with that. Your friendly neighborhood
[2537.2s] encyclopedia.
[2539.2s] Though this is
[2541.2s] a little passage here.
[2557.2s] Shoestring to a small amount of money.
[2561.2s] Wow.
[2563.2s] Shit son.
[2565.2s] Should we like separate these jabronis
[2567.2s] and just like I don't know.
[2569.2s] What do we do with them? You told me not to deflect
[2571.2s] their magics. How do we stop the
[2573.2s] magics and then
[2575.2s] Maybe we put one of them through the portal.
[2577.2s] Wow.
[2579.2s] Like there was a portal to space.
[2581.2s] This one seems like he has space boots
[2583.2s] on. Maybe he would
[2585.2s] I mean he does have like a space kind of
[2587.2s] look but
[2589.2s] I guess morally I
[2591.2s] just don't know which one's the good guy and which
[2593.2s] one's the bad guy. If I slapped him would it take
[2595.2s] 12 hours for him to feel the sting
[2597.2s] in my hand? Probably.
[2599.2s] That seems like how
[2601.2s] time works. I
[2603.2s] want to investigate this room and see like is there
[2605.2s] something that has slowed them down?
[2607.2s] Sort of like I don't know
[2609.2s] time testicles. And like
[2611.2s] they're twisted. Yep.
[2613.2s] Sounds about right.
[2615.2s] Carla's laughing.
[2617.2s] You laugh every time. Guys I'm not
[2619.2s] laughing at my own joke. I'm laughing at Carla
[2621.2s] laughing at my joke.
[2623.2s] The testicular torsion of the
[2625.2s] time testicles. That's right. It happens.
[2627.2s] It's a thing. Yeah. Just hanging
[2629.2s] in the center of the room there are two
[2631.2s] ovular
[2633.2s] balls hanging
[2635.2s] from the center of the ceiling
[2637.2s] and they appear to be contorted.
[2639.2s] In a fleshy kind of sack. Yeah.
[2641.2s] It's veiny and fleshy and they
[2643.2s] appear to be interwoven
[2645.2s] in an uncomfortable way that
[2647.2s] maybe should probably be dealt with
[2649.2s] see a doctor. Not
[2651.2s] not what we're about
[2653.2s] to do. Yeah. I mean I
[2655.2s] don't want to touch him but also I'm super
[2657.2s] short. I'll say it.
[2659.2s] I know we'd all been thinking it.
[2661.2s] I am shorter than the
[2663.2s] average. Yes even more so than
[2665.2s] Moot when he lost those seven inches.
[2667.2s] Moot I hate to ask
[2669.2s] because I feel like we've really depended
[2671.2s] on you a number of times
[2673.2s] in the last you know 30
[2675.2s] to 40 minutes but do you
[2677.2s] think that your claw could untwist
[2679.2s] the testicular
[2681.2s] time torsion or
[2683.2s] is that possible? I mean
[2685.2s] I say we give it a shot. Wait hold on
[2687.2s] and I want I want to go over and I
[2689.2s] want to like pull
[2691.2s] the guy whose
[2693.2s] town is named after him
[2695.2s] but he's an adult so I can't remember.
[2697.2s] Magi Bon Jovi
[2699.2s] out of the way
[2701.2s] of the oncoming
[2703.2s] spells. Okay.
[2705.2s] Great idea. Hey
[2707.2s] do you want to move the other
[2709.2s] dude maybe away so they don't blast
[2711.2s] each other. Who knows what that'll be like.
[2713.2s] Sure yeah yeah yeah yeah.
[2715.2s] Yeah that's a great idea.
[2717.2s] Okay so let's pull
[2719.2s] him.
[2721.2s] She's so heavy.
[2723.2s] I mean it's perfect.
[2725.2s] More upper body strength with Zumba.
[2727.2s] You can't just stay in the office all the time.
[2729.2s] You can't you need
[2731.2s] to. Well I'm pushing papers
[2733.2s] you know you're out there adventuring
[2735.2s] and doing all the things with your
[2737.2s] big big arms
[2739.2s] and I'm just sitting there like
[2741.2s] oh got to bAlydince the books
[2743.2s] oh got to take over the new
[2745.2s] competition oh
[2747.2s] This seems like an elevator competition.
[2749.2s] It does. Okay so
[2751.2s] I'm gonna I'll just I'm just gonna
[2753.2s] help. Okay just okay.
[2755.2s] I got it.
[2757.2s] We are doing it together. I'm glad I'm helping
[2759.2s] you because otherwise this would be so
[2761.2s] difficult for just you.
[2763.2s] Absolutely. Just make
[2765.2s] sure you use your knees. Yeah I think I
[2767.2s] have hernia.
[2769.2s] Maybe Moot's crab
[2771.2s] claw can fix that.
[2773.2s] Well
[2775.2s] okay.
[2777.2s] I mean how big or small
[2779.2s] can you make this thing. Can you make it like magic
[2781.2s] school bus size when it shrinks down
[2783.2s] and goes inside of a cut.
[2785.2s] Push the intestine back up through
[2787.2s] the wall. I mean I don't think
[2789.2s] I can ant-man it that small.
[2791.2s] I'm just curious. I don't know. Okay.
[2793.2s] So they have been moved to the side.
[2795.2s] I have the plate.
[2797.2s] Do we hit the balls?
[2799.2s] No put the plate down. I don't think we want to
[2801.2s] like ricochet anything. Right now they're gonna
[2803.2s] shoot full wood and hit nothing
[2805.2s] but wall. We'll just
[2807.2s] stay out of the way.
[2809.2s] I'm just gonna just go up and twist
[2811.2s] the balls. Alright Moot's
[2813.2s] go twist the balls. I'm standing off to the
[2815.2s] side here. My safe word
[2817.2s] is pineapple. Alright quick
[2819.2s] countdown to ball twisting.
[2821.2s] Three two and one.
[2823.2s] Oh what sound effect runs?
[2825.2s] Twist those balls.
[2827.2s] Oh they
[2829.2s] were very twisted.
[2831.2s] I really gave it like some force
[2833.2s] to it. Well you hit it like a
[2835.2s] tether ball.
[2839.2s] That's what it was like.
[2841.2s] You ducked out of the way. These two balls are
[2843.2s] now free from their
[2845.2s] torsion. Somewhere in the building
[2847.2s] breathes a sigh of relief.
[2849.2s] Oh god.
[2853.2s] The spells reactivate. The two
[2855.2s] wizards lose their bAlydince
[2857.2s] and fall to the ground.
[2859.2s] They scream and stand up and
[2861.2s] begin to move to
[2863.2s] fire another spell at each other.
[2865.2s] Stop please.
[2867.2s] Why? We got rid of the pink goo
[2869.2s] so you could just like maybe take
[2871.2s] it down. I am
[2873.2s] this is the voice
[2875.2s] of Magi Bonvai.
[2877.2s] Thank you.
[2879.2s] That's nice.
[2881.2s] This is the voice of Sullivan's Light.
[2883.2s] Very nice to meet you.
[2885.2s] Yeah you too. This is my arch
[2887.2s] nemesis the Inhumanist.
[2889.2s] Yes I am the Inhumanist.
[2891.2s] Very different from Magi Bonvai.
[2893.2s] You don't like humans? Cool.
[2895.2s] No. Not
[2897.2s] specifically.
[2899.2s] Are you not human?
[2901.2s] Not exactly.
[2903.2s] Did you know that this world is filled with
[2905.2s] not humans? Yeah.
[2907.2s] Okay. But you don't like humans?
[2909.2s] Well just this one specifically.
[2911.2s] The Inhumanist. Oh wow.
[2913.2s] You have named your whole
[2915.2s] persona after your dislike?
[2917.2s] This guy? He goes through the
[2919.2s] anuses and drops all his garbage
[2921.2s] and just leaves it
[2923.2s] everywhere.
[2925.2s] Is this true Bon Jovi?
[2927.2s] Well it's the best way to
[2929.2s] get rid of all the failed projects.
[2931.2s] You just
[2933.2s] remove them. Well but you're removing
[2935.2s] them to somewhere else. They don't just
[2937.2s] disappear. Yeah they disappear.
[2939.2s] I did that for a
[2941.2s] while and then
[2943.2s] they brought pitchforks and
[2945.2s] torches and then I
[2947.2s] said okay. Okay.
[2949.2s] Slow your roll.
[2951.2s] Oh I don't like this guy. I will
[2953.2s] allow it to go through a
[2955.2s] portal which really
[2957.2s] everybody knows is just an anus to another
[2959.2s] universe but then they can deal
[2961.2s] with it. Well here's a hole you didn't know
[2963.2s] you needed. However
[2965.2s] it does sound like it's this guy's front yard.
[2967.2s] I mean you could just
[2969.2s] get like a bag of holding or something?
[2971.2s] That only holds so much.
[2973.2s] Well pocket
[2975.2s] dimension. My dude.
[2977.2s] Pocket dimension.
[2979.2s] Yeah somebody else's
[2981.2s] pockets. I mean you're being a
[2983.2s] terrible neighbor.
[2985.2s] It's real shitty actually.
[2987.2s] I shouldn't have moved you. I could have left you
[2989.2s] where you were. You come into
[2991.2s] my house and
[2993.2s] solve your
[2995.2s] problem? Save you?
[2997.2s] Yeah. Save you from a problem
[2999.2s] of your own creation? And then call
[3001.2s] me names?
[3003.2s] I want to slap them.
[3005.2s] And I want to
[3007.2s] use my master's hand wraps.
[3009.2s] Now you can read your character sheet.
[3011.2s] What do the master's hand wraps do?
[3013.2s] That's right. I have a plus two bonus to my
[3015.2s] unarmored armor class.
[3017.2s] They also add
[3019.2s] additional might to my blows. I've got plus
[3021.2s] three to attack and damage rules made
[3023.2s] with my unarmed strikes.
[3025.2s] And the fabric can be used to strike
[3027.2s] out at the opponents.
[3029.2s] They extend. Yeah like
[3031.2s] just snapping a towel in
[3033.2s] the locker room. They can also
[3035.2s] I can make a single special unarmed strike
[3037.2s] against a creature within 30 feet.
[3039.2s] And that creature takes additional
[3041.2s] martial art die of damage in addition
[3043.2s] to the normal damage from the unarmed strike.
[3045.2s] And if the creature is large or
[3047.2s] smaller
[3049.2s] or anywhere in between apparently
[3051.2s] you pull the creature up to 10
[3053.2s] feet closer to you. Okay do
[3055.2s] it. I'm gonna hit him.
[3057.2s] I don't think
[3059.2s] anything that that's gonna do
[3061.2s] is gonna do.
[3063.2s] Seven.
[3065.2s] That was with your plus
[3067.2s] three? Yeah.
[3069.2s] And my plus one to attack. But like
[3071.2s] he didn't see it coming so maybe. He didn't see
[3073.2s] it coming. So it's like
[3075.2s] you know when someone has a slap fight.
[3077.2s] What are you doing? Well I'm trying to slap
[3079.2s] some sense into you but you know what? I've gone through
[3081.2s] a lot. It's been an emotional rollercoaster.
[3083.2s] Fair enough. Fair enough. You disappeared
[3085.2s] for a little bit. It's true I did. Oh.
[3087.2s] Very cool. Did you walk
[3089.2s] through a portal? No.
[3091.2s] Interesting.
[3093.2s] Well I
[3095.2s] appreciate you coming to my home.
[3097.2s] I appreciate you calling me names. I appreciate you
[3099.2s] saving my life.
[3101.2s] I need it on the last one
[3103.2s] but that's okay.
[3105.2s] Turning off the pink valve. That was
[3107.2s] probably good for the
[3109.2s] surrounding community. Everybody doing
[3111.2s] okay there. He goes and looks out the windows
[3113.2s] and oh there's quite a lot.
[3115.2s] And some of them turned cannibals. Yeah.
[3117.2s] Yeah if you touch the goo. Dude they were
[3119.2s] eating each other. It takes over your body
[3121.2s] and then eventually
[3123.2s] it saps your life energy
[3125.2s] and then becomes you and then
[3127.2s] you are now just a pink goo
[3129.2s] monster.
[3131.2s] And you think you're still the good guy
[3133.2s] in this scenario? This was his pink goo
[3135.2s] he was releasing into my backyard.
[3137.2s] So really it's his problem.
[3139.2s] I tried to turn it off
[3141.2s] and he was like
[3143.2s] lesson learned or some
[3145.2s] bullshit like that.
[3147.2s] So can you like do the pocket dimension
[3149.2s] thing? So I don't throw my garbage
[3151.2s] in his backyard? Yes.
[3153.2s] It seems to have caused a whole problem.
[3155.2s] I'll throw inhumanist.
[3157.2s] It's been a pleasure fighting with you. I will
[3159.2s] no longer need your front yard
[3161.2s] as my disposal
[3163.2s] unit for all of my failed
[3165.2s] projects. I
[3167.2s] will throw
[3169.2s] it into a pocket dimension and hope
[3171.2s] that that doesn't show up on some
[3173.2s] interplanar
[3175.2s] monster's doorstep and then come deal
[3177.2s] with that. I'm sure these fine folks will come back
[3179.2s] and help me with that one too.
[3181.2s] Well if it ends up being an angry
[3183.2s] unicorn I will not be helping you
[3185.2s] with that. No. Wait that's a hard no.
[3187.2s] No unicorns. We do have
[3189.2s] lines and standards.
[3191.2s] Perfect. Alright.
[3193.2s] Inhumanist is that? I know
[3195.2s] it's not. I mean you got some vengeance
[3197.2s] and like if he stops doing it...
[3199.2s] Kind of wrecked a whole town. Yeah that was
[3201.2s] pretty cool. That was pretty
[3203.2s] rad. Getting
[3205.2s] some kick backs
[3207.2s] there.
[3209.2s] Really just sticking it to him.
[3211.2s] Sticking it to him. I'm sure he appreciated all those
[3213.2s] people paying him taxes.
[3215.2s] Gonna have to really work on
[3217.2s] that one moving forward for him.
[3219.2s] We'll mention it to Queen
[3221.2s] Calacrest. I don't know who that
[3223.2s] is. I'm from another dimension. Is your
[3225.2s] name actually Inhuman? I am the
[3227.2s] Inhumanist. Yes
[3229.2s] what's your mama called you? No my
[3231.2s] mama called me Leonard.
[3233.2s] Oh ok well you know what Leonard...
[3235.2s] Nice to meet you. So much better. You were
[3237.2s] wrecking Leonard's yard.
[3239.2s] You're a bad man. Well I didn't
[3241.2s] know his name was Leonard. I would have probably
[3243.2s] been able to connect with him a little bit more
[3245.2s] if he gave me his name. He came in and was like
[3247.2s] I am the Inhumanist.
[3249.2s] In that exact voice.
[3251.2s] Then he started releasing pink goo.
[3253.2s] Can't talk to this guy anymore.
[3255.2s] It's been a really long night.
[3257.2s] Moot disappeared. Yeah I think
[3259.2s] Yeah.
[3261.2s] And Hillop's still here. I am still
[3263.2s] here. How many bad things have
[3265.2s] happened? Well let's
[3267.2s] talk about on the elevator ride down.
[3269.2s] It seems like these fine folks have
[3271.2s] cleared up their garbage problems.
[3273.2s] Yeah you guys are grown ups. Figure it out.
[3275.2s] They can just sling spells
[3277.2s] at each other for all we care. Maybe they will
[3279.2s] take each other out and then
[3281.2s] who knows what will happen after that.
[3283.2s] Let's ride the big machine back.
[3285.2s] Careful
[3287.2s] The big machine will probably try to
[3289.2s] kill you. I usually turn it off
[3291.2s] but I've been locked in
[3293.2s] a time interstitial time status.
[3295.2s] Why do you have it?
[3297.2s] To protect the village.
[3299.2s] That didn't work so great with the pink goo.
[3301.2s] Well machines have their limitations.
[3303.2s] And it tried to kill us as we tried to
[3305.2s] come help the village. Well you
[3307.2s] were an intruder to the village and it tried
[3309.2s] to kill you. So it was actually doing its job.
[3311.2s] This may actually be a problem
[3313.2s] also to solve
[3315.2s] about the whole like trade in
[3317.2s] situation and like the vendors
[3319.2s] that tried to come through and
[3321.2s] things like that. Have you noticed that
[3323.2s] slowed down? It's just something to think about. Anyway
[3325.2s] why don't we go back and do our
[3327.2s] report because this is not without
[3329.2s] it's paperwork and
[3331.2s] get that to Queen Caligris.
[3333.2s] Tell her I said hello.
[3335.2s] I will not.
[3337.2s] We fade out on Mooklim and
[3339.2s] Sully traveling.
[3341.2s] I've not elevated you.
[3343.2s] So many important conversations
[3345.2s] happening in that elevator.
[3347.2s] So you guys did you know that the cosmos
[3349.2s] is a pretty big and wild place?
[3351.2s] It's starting to flood back to me that I
[3353.2s] have all of the information in
[3355.2s] the world. Maybe
[3357.2s] there's like worlds beyond worlds
[3359.2s] beyond worlds and gods that are
[3361.2s] gods of gods and then
[3363.2s] maybe time streams
[3365.2s] are like woven
[3367.2s] and interchanged and if you
[3369.2s] affect one it shoots
[3371.2s] off until one day
[3373.2s] it maybe comes back in
[3375.2s] a future and collides
[3377.2s] and then takes over
[3379.2s] and then the people that were
[3381.2s] in one maybe merge and
[3383.2s] some people stay there.
[3395.2s] Dumbgeons and Dragons season
[3397.2s] 2 episode 134
[3399.2s] starring Amy More as Sully,
[3401.2s] Carla Max Dead as Glim, Tom Laird
[3403.2s] as Moot, and Russ More as your dungeon
[3405.2s] master. Editing by Russ More.
[3407.2s] This episode featured music from Epidemic
[3409.2s] Sound, Artlist, and Kavin McCloud
[3411.2s] and sound effects from Epidemic Sound,
[3413.2s] Boom Library, and Sound Ideas.
[3415.2s] A huge thank you to our supporting producers
[3417.2s] Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babyok,
[3419.2s] Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden,
[3421.2s] Christian Brown, Craig Zeiss,
[3423.2s] Aaron Stevens, Darylith, Perry
[3425.2s] Matey, Old School Gamer D,
[3427.2s] L.A. Branton, Nathaniel Teeter,
[3429.2s] Destiny Garcia, Nicholas Cooper,
[3431.2s] and Ryan Carr. Sign up today
[3433.2s] at Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon
[3435.2s] Casts for a whole world of perks
[3437.2s] including an exclusive podcast
[3439.2s] and right now through the month of October
[3441.2s] 2022 when you sign
[3443.2s] up for an annual membership you'll get
[3445.2s] 2 months free. Sign up for
[3447.2s] 12 only pay for 10.
[3449.2s] Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Casts.
[3451.2s] We hope to see you over there.
[3453.2s] Thank you for listening. Have a great week
[3455.2s] We'll talk again soon.
[3459.2s] Well he comes into
[3461.2s] he goes through the anuses
[3463.2s] and then he drops his
[3465.2s] all the things. Just
[3467.2s] I'm slipping back into hillup.
[3469.2s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons
[3471.2s] production.